Story can be a little intense or sad.
My memory of that day is very foggy....I was 15 years old....
everything was spinning out of control....
I couldn't breathe.....
I went into my room and like I had done a thousand times before I removed a sharp blade from my pink make-up pouch....
took it over my arm...
I think you can gather what happened next can't you?
I went out into the living room and my mom saw my arm... I wouldn't stop bleeding.
She said that she'd had enough of this and to go pack some clothes 'cuz I'm going into a psych ward....
That day changed my life.
Most cutters spend about 5-7 days in their inpatient unit at the hospital...
I spend 2 weeks....
then 3 weeks in outpatient treatment....
Wanna know something though?
I'm still addicted to cutting. and I always will be. But that does not mean I give in to it anymore.
I no longer cut myself....
I know a lot of teenagers do it, and they think it makes them feel better,
but when you need it like a drug, you can't function without it, you'll even do it for no reason without a trigger.... to the point where you don't care who you hurt in the process....
Until you've been there. You don't know.
I Love that I don't cut anymore.
I love that I can smile and it can be real.
I love that I cry instead.
I went in there exactly TWO years ago today....
and I died that day.
I killed myself,
I killed the way I used to be.
Since I came out of that cage of depression
I've become a whole new person.
I started going to church more (hence my very religious mindset)
and I made lot's of amazing friends since the experience....
I hit rock bottom....
and now the only way to go is up.
There is a huge difference between 15 and 17
Two years gave me a second chance.
"Never to suffer would be never to had been blessed."- Edgar Allan Poe
and how I've been blessed......
I have some amazing friends...
amazing support....
and life has become just one blessing after another
All I can say:
To everyone that has ever been depressed
To everyone that has ever hurt themselves
To everyone that has ever attempted suicide:
the tears can never last foreverThere is HOPE
I Love you all
XOXO
Riah
great hun amazing post i used to do that to but wasnt put in no hospital they just put me on prescription. im not addicted to it and never was i think it all has to do with how ur life treated you. love that you are free now.
ReplyDelete-cris
I've gone through the very same thing as you, and I am so grateful that you have recognized your problem as an addiction. So many people never get to that point, and continue on suffering forever without an explanation. While it seems church has helped you out, if you ever need a little more hope you could attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings. While for drug abusers mainly, they should accept you as their own considering the whole point is being an addict. I know my local NA meeting accepted me with open arms. Stay strong!!
ReplyDeleteFunny, it was two years ago Saturday that I got hospitalized for my eating disorder...
ReplyDelete