Baby you will never hear my heart beating

I remember when I first met you, I knew exactly how I felt right away.

I knew you were intelligent, kind, funny, friendly, and in search of truth and living like God. I know all of this within the first 30 seconds of when we first spoke. When I first looked at you.

I knew at that moment I loved you, But I didn't want to say anything to you. I knew better than to allow myself to fall in love with you and make attempts to make you mine. That's what I did when I was younger. But I knew that I wanted more with you than a random boyfriend that I'd lose within a few weeks.

I wanted to be closer to you. So instead of flirting with you, I talked to you, instead of asking you out, I hung out with you, Instead of trying to make you my boyfriend, I focused on us being friends. That's the relationship I wanted. I figured that I'd rather have you as a friend forever than a boyfriend for a week.

As time continued to pass, I learned how to talk to you. How to communicate and have a conversation. I wanted so badly nothing more than to know you and understand you. I wanted to be the person you'd learn to confide in, and I'd be able to confide in you.

I loved being next to you as you played your guitar, our conversations scented by the tobacco in your pipe ((That's right readers. 20 years old and smokes a pipe XD)), teasing you about random inside jokes, hanging out with our friends by the lake at your place at midnight, sitting next to you and our friends at church.....

I've treasured every memory.

After a while, our separate lives came between us, our interactions becoming more and more rare. I decided that perhaps it was the tome for my feelings for you to come to pass, and now just isn't the time.

I prayed to God to redirect my mind and heart into a new focus, Although my thoughts redirected to more productive ways to use my emotional and mental energies, my feelings remained....

God tells me to maintain my patience, the time is coming and when it happens, the timing will be perfect. He won't tell me for certain that you are the one just yet, He says me not knowing is all a part of the process of patience I'm supposed to practice.

But if it all turns out that you are the one, I want this to be the only secret I ever keep from you, for the sake of our current friendship. If it turns our that you are not the one, I want this, again, to be the only secret I ever keep from you. for the sake of our current friendship and future friendship, that I pray will only grow.